Eff's Rambles (Archive)


Interpret these, if possible.

I am omitting somethings, and I cannot quite remember the order of some of the events, but, here are some parts of dreams I have recently had, within the last three days.

A man being executed by decompression in an airlock, but, being immortal, reforming and reanimating yet not dying again instantly.
A woman trying to push the man back into the airlock not being effected by it even though I do not recall sensing she was immortal, and her upper body was well inside it for a few seconds.
A force field that was apparently ineffective to keep the man confined in the air lock.
The man escaping and breaking the neck of one of the observers.

Next up, and this is much more edited.

I find a secret entrance.
I do not know to what.
I leave it at some point.
Seemingly not from where I came in.
I get lost.
I am following someone who's trying to help me when he hears of a problem ahead.
I end up having to run after him.
We come upon a flattened red car.
There's a werewolf around.
I can't remember the next parts clearly.
Finally, there are injured people around and a corpse floating on a wet street.
I thought it was me at first, but I am not sure of that, as the body type, as best as I can remember it, was thinner than mine, he was also shirtless.


Reasonably irrational

Nice title, is it not?

Well, I had been intending to post something about my reasoning on some issues, which I am presently doing but am not giving it much thought. So, with the care of a sociopath, a sampling of how I reason on issues, most notably those of war or any major decisions that affect lives dramatically.

First, I must admit that I often do not have the time to look up facts and cross reference them. I might be innacurate on myriad issues. With that said some of my rules.

  • I do not hate people, so I do not presume an alternative is made better by the weakness I see in what is present.
  • I do not presume to know things. This is because I am aware of my ignorance, and how it is more likely to expand than narrow.
  • I rarely presume intent. I am much more inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt.
  • I sometimes dislike statistical arguments. This is because I am concerned that such arguments can be used to erode rights of people.
  • Even if I agree with the motive of a person making a fallacy, I do not care for it. This is not to say I advocate some absolutist degree of reasoning, but some effort to be fair and sound should be made. Still, I would find it difficult to go against my moral beliefs even if I concluded it would be a mistake for me to act in favor of them.
  • I tend to favor capacity over theory. One may claim what they want, but if alternatives seem incapable, I am inclined to stay with the status quo.
  • Natural occurences, though they might be more deadly, are not equivalent to those events with clear evil intent. This goes into arguments about priorities, probability and so on. While something might be less probable, presumably based on it being less frequent than what it is compared to, it is the nature of the events, the degree of evil behind them, the toll they have on the soul of a people and their nation which influences me most.

If I think of anymore, I will likely be too lazy to bother with it.


Poetically speaking

Breifly, I was just thinking, forgive me for that. I try not to. I was pondering that themes delay poetry terribly. I come up with a few lines in my head then I realise a theme is forming, so the rest needs to, well, feels as if it should, follow the apparent theme, which is a total bother because I may just want some rhymes and to seta mood to, not spout some moral message. I think freestyle has its value, though readers might be confused by it at times.

All right, someone add lines to this.

For all the matter
Of worth of blood spatter

Imagination, and unoriginal bastards.

As hard as this is, no, should, be to believe, I do have an imagination, which pretty much just emulates every over done Anime with uber characters in existence. But, still, I have one. I created two imaginary characters, one was created much earlier.

The newer character was, for a short time, considered by me for a story, but it never went anywhere, especially since I have no idea of what I'm doing.

What I am getting at here is that I like my newer character better, but because he is more human. The older character was so powerful that I claimed he could freely enter Heaven and Hell, destroy most gods and "never" die. I like to think the newer character is more mature as a concept, which hopefully reflects me in a way. Of course, like most people, I guess this how most people are, I am drawn to the anti hero. 4 out of 5 doctors like Bat Man better than Super Man. There is an advantage to the super guy that can beat up everyone, you at least know there's going to be an ass kicking, unless it's of the versions of Spider Man I've seen, he gets a hernia from everything, just about.

Now to the bastards segment of this blog post.

I like Jet and I think Franz Ferdinand is ok, but, regarding them and one other video trick, stop doing it, please. Jet has some new song out which I at first thought ripped of Keane's soomewhere song video, but then I realized it is closer to to Train's damn Angel song. Naturally, the singing in water tick, the other video trick I was referring to, must be copied, a lot. Franz and Modest Mouse both use old late 19th and early 20th century images in a video of each's, so expect to see an old bike shop ad with the characters in it singing underwater with a forest background.


True self?

Recently I have begun to wonder about the value of dreams, those often peculiar movies of the mind that many of us have.

Dreams are, supposedly, a window into ourselves. They might validate what most know about us; reveal hidden truths. They reveal ourselves to ourselves. But I am not so sure that this is true, or as true as seems to be implied or implicitly stated.

When we day dream, where we are the directors, we might twist the truth of our character in many ways. In these directed dreams we become more or less than who we our. But, what I have found in contemplation of my own day dreams is that my personal issues still come out, making me the beggar and the hero in the same fantasy.

Perhaps most of these kinds of dreams reflect egoism in ourselves than more than anything else, but they are, so it seems, less vague, more coherent, and, because of that, more valuable.

It is difficult to interpret dreams, especially when elements and order confound what is rationale.

I know I have said nothing new, but that is okay. Dreams, I know feel, reveal portions of us. But dreams of the day, the directed ones, reveal more of us. I do not know how much.


The lesson here->

The Dream Interpretation Test (from Emode)
What's Your Dream Theme?
William, the recurrent theme of your dream life is Mastery

You're dreaming about maximizing opportunities and achieving well-deserved success. This means that in some area of your waking life, you are adequately prepared and things are working out just the way you want.

<-is that the absence of some dreams indicates strong mental stability within such persons, but, in my case, it is likely only via my horrid memory that I scored so well.


More test results.

My Music Personality

Check out my Morality! 57% liberal, 43% conservative


Answers in Dreams?

I wish so much that my dreams answered the issues of my life for me. It is not so easy to follow the suggestions of others to jot down dreams shortly after waking up. At times I am not sure when I am awake, or it is that the few dreams I have that I can recall even modestly use too many chaaracters and every day scenarious that are famiiar if not totally reflective of my life that it is hard for me to tell so early in my day when reality begins.

It's not healthy, I know it, and I have felt similar to this before. I've become too attached, and I am in conflict with myself over how I feel. The last time I felt so intensely is largely what brought me to the Philosophy and Absurdity community. There were misunderstandings and unmeant words; I needed to get away from where I was then. I've read psychological reports of mine that date back years, one over twenty of them. What they furthur validate for me are some of the problems I face now; my judgement in social situations and the guilt I feel. I do not want to turn people away. I have not felt as I have before, and I don't know what that is. I need this attachment too much. It haunts me, running through my head, making me wonder what failures there are that I should feel guilt over. I wish that rationality helped, but that is like any statistic, a cold comparison that too often feels as if one's problems are being made light of.

I am trying to make a transition, but I often feel the avenues being blocked. If those last few doors close, I do not know what will happen. There are positives, and I at times become too curious about them. I'm not sure why. It might be narcissism; a loathing of myself that can't understand them. I suppose it's both. But, no matter the truth and sincerity, if any, of the good things said it just does not ultimately solve the matters of my life, but it moves me forward in hope. I need to take my own steps; to become and keep disciplined and suffer through the pains; to not even see it as suffering. I need to accept things, to not obsess over what many might call the trivial things.

My hopes are changing. I'm now more concerned with my worth in the every day of real life than with my odd and onoxious fantasies. Even those things I had been interested in for so long don't hold my fascination as they had not too long ago.

This pressure should have come before. I should have invited it. Now there's an anxiety, and it reminds me of something that I need to face; I still have yet to grow up.

I am not how some picture me to be. I so wish could even come close. I hope some day I will.


Short Disclaimer

  • This blog is not intended as an accurate source for anything
  • No thesis, essay or general comments herein are claimed as being well reasoned followed with sound conclusions.
  • If I proclaim a political slant, including that I am an independent, ignore it and assign to me whatever label pleases you, not that some would not offend me.


Dance, worms! Dance! (Inspired by)

I really should quit
Before I start to babble this shit

Creativity has nary been to me lent
But how could I know with a mind so greatly bent?

There once was man with the surname Hurly
Who had a wife named Shirly
She was quite a bitch
She killed him and put him in a ditch
Please don't call me Surely

Too much caffeine makes one think
Of things obscene
Like the crap I've posted on your screen.

There once was a man name Chuck
About him most didn't give a fuck
except for the new guy Joe
But how was he to know
Of Chuck and her nip tuck?

I'm too lazy to think of more
I shall now shut this stupid door.


You know, it's interesting. Things we did not value enough to perserver through in youth and achieve the awards for with the honor of commonality with most others, not even going to the point of exceeding many of them, come back to haunt us. Each failure of youth is so much harder in our present, not by their nature alone, but more by how they remind us of how we contrast too much or not enough. Simple hinderences, human errors, and so on, now hurt more because they feel as if they are a punishment for your cowardice, or some cruel joke. Yet, still, you feel more defeated and that makes you feel like you shall never grow up. But, it does let you see the values of things more clearly, and it lets you see the value of the smaller things, the most important of all, with great clarity and longing.


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